Hey guys happy humpday!! *insert gif of camel from commercial here*
Anyways, I hope your week is going well and for those of you in college preparing for the spring semester to start back up (mine is Monday.. so soon!) I hope you’re getting all your ducks in a row without too much stress/anxiety. But anyways.
I keep saying it over and over again, but I haven’t felt this happy in so long. I’m more in my life now that I don’t have to go to treatment for 4 hours a week and I’m realizing that I’m doing a lot better in life than I had spent so many years thinking. It’s still a lot of work (my therapist should get a fucking medal of honor for putting up with me on a weekly basis), but I am so much more content with where I’m at in my life right now. But it is funny how those negative thoughts seep their way back in sometimes. I’ll have moments where I start to feel grateful for the peace I’m feeling, the increasing optimistic attitude and the self-confidence I have now but then one thought peeks it’s head into my thoughts and tries to bring me back.
The thought?
you’re happy now, but something bad is going to happen soon. Watch for it
That thought has fucked up my progress so many times before, but I’ve had some instances that very well could have triggered me to crawl back in to that shell of my eating disorder but I realize now that I can handle my shit so much better than I give myself credit for.
There have been multiple situations in just the past few days where I should have been self-condemning but the truth is that I felt none of that. Even to this day I don’t feel weighed down by others emotions or opinions because I know what I want out of life and I know where I am headed.
It’s funny because even though I am a psychology major with a clinical/counseling concentration, I still am not one to write pages and pages on here about the pros of psychotherapy and group therapy simply because, like most mental illnesses, it’s personal and individualized. All I know is that for me, it took well over 5 years for me to find a therapist I trust and a treatment team who saw me not as my sickness but as the person behind it and even though it took me so much longer than a majority of people I am thankful I had/have it.
I can handle my shit and it’s pretty fucking amazing
Life As I Know It 