I’m trying a new thing this year and that’s to be more thankful for the people I have in my life. A lot of the ones I considered family in every sense of the word didn’t make it to 2015 to celebrate the new life I’m trying to have. A life of recovery, motivation in school, determination and hope. I’ve heard it said before that when God closes one door another one opens, and I’m finding that to be true the more I continue living this new life of mine.
Things really suck sometimes, and when I have bad days it’s easier for me to stay in bed than get up and seize the day, but I try my hardest to not let my demons and inner pain win. Some days I fall and others I thrive; it’s all part of not only the recovery process but of life in general. I believe the bad days show who my true friends are; it’s in those bad days, the moments of pure raw emotion and vulnerability that I catch a glimpse into the love I really have for others and they have for me.
So this is to them, the friends who are family and friends who I am growing and recovering with every day. Thank you.
Thank you for not letting my issues get in between us and for sticking it out. I don’t think you’ll ever really know how much your letters to me when I was in treatment meant to me. I’d read the words written on paper from you guys and I could hear your voices. I could picture us having that conversation face to face, laughing and making inappropriate jokes the entire time. Thank you for the slight intervening conversation about how I was getting sick and you were scared for me. I know at the time I might have laughed it off, but I was just as scared as you guys. I didn’t know if going away would be the end of our friendship, but you proved your unconditional love and support for me even though you didn’t have to. A lifetime of love, trust and loyalty was built up again in just one month. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Who would have thought those small moments we shared together would turn into the bonds that held us together? Certainly not me. I think us knowing each other for so long, in a way we were destined to be best friends. You guys know almost everything about me, and didn’t push me away when I was at my lowest; you supported me and encouraged me, and it is honestly something I wasn’t expecting.
Through all the fights, the distance or whatever life had for us, it never got in between our friendship. If we go a while without seeing each other, we pick right back up where we left off. At the end of the night when we go our separate ways I feel lighter somehow. You guys give me a light, and all it takes is a simple friendship and now that I am more in my life than ever, I am excited to see all life has for us in this new chapter. By just being you, as fucking crazy and hysterical as you guys are, I found who I am becoming; I found that I am accepted and loved just the way I am. This bumpy ass road known as recovery is a bitch, but the fact that you two are strapped in the passenger seat with your hands on the dashboard and bracing yourself for each bump and roadblock makes you two fucking rockstars!
I am eternally grateful for you two and love you beyond words
To the friends I’ve met along the way,
I never in a million years would have thought I’d meet some of the best people I could have asked for in my life in a treatment program. We have seen each other at our best and at our ugliest. I’ve seen all of you vulnerable, and you have seen me at my weakest as well. Starting the journey of recovery I wasn’t sure I would be alright. I wasn’t expecting to meet people like you; people so genuine, honest, loving, selfless and open. I never had friends who knew what I was experiencing and were also fighting like hell for their lives to be better. My friends from residential didn’t last, and that sting carried over into outpatient. But you guys, you guys are different.
The time we spend hanging out and going out to dinner means the world to me. How we can laugh and be normal young adults without the hinderance of our being sick getting in the way. I appreciate how much you encourage me to stay strong even though I am not sure if you even realize it or not. It’s astonishing how whenever we need each other we’re all only a text or phone call away. The universality and empathy helps in times of crisis. I wasn’t the best person to get to know when I first met you all, shit I don’t think any of us were at that time; but as days turned into months and we shared more pain and laughs and vulnerability in the four walls of that group room, we all changed. I don’t know if I ever say it, but the fact that our bond and trust of one another can carry over into the real world is incredible.
I’m pulling for you guys to get better, to kick this eating disorders ass, to be fully in your life and to be happy because out of everyone I’ve ever met you all deserve the fucking world. All of the shit you’ve been through, all of the pain and brokenness you’ve experienced breaks my heart to think about. I can’t imagine where I’d be at not only in recovery but in life if I haven’t met you.
I am eternally grateful for you all,